[Prince Charming and Cinderella talking on the phone]
Charming: Why did you bugger off yesterday?
Cindy: You know exactly why I buggered off yesterday.
Charming: Honest, I don't have a clue.
Cindy: I think you have something to tell me. I think you have to tell me your secret.
Charming: Babe, if this secret is so bloody bad that it's caused this hissy fit, why don't you enlighten me?
Cindy: I saw you didn't I. [pause] trying on my glass slipper, posing in the mirror.
Charming: aaahh...
Cindy: You had just put that slipper on me, you had just told me you would spend the rest of your life with me, I told you I would spend the rest of my life with you.
Charming: I still do.
Cindy: I'm gonna bloody have to. Can you imagine if my bloody stepsisters found out I had turned you, I wouldn't hear the last of it.
Charming: I was just curious babe, I'm not...that way, I thought I proved that to you the night of the ball, in the cloakroom.
Cindy: I guess, but if I ever catch you acting like a bleeding homo again I swear I will go into exile...
Charming: Alright. So, do you fancy coming to meet your tranny boyfriend down at the pub, I'll get a couple of daiquiris ready. Oh, and make sure you wear that darling blouse, it's fabulous.
Cindy:[chuckles] Cheeky Sod.
hahahahaha!!!! Very funny!!!
ReplyDeleteGood job!
:^)
Hi Naboo,
ReplyDeleteI like a lot about your piece. The contemporary, colloquial English ('buggered off', 'babe', etc.) works nicely in this context. You use it to create humour by frustrating our expectations regarding the traditional fairy tale characters. I like the fact that Cinderella becomes Cindy, too, but you should bear in mind that, unless Prince Charming refers to her as Cindy in the dialogue, an audience would miss out on the joke.
I'm not quite sure why Charming would still be interested in marrying Cindy after she reveals herself to be such a narrow-minded and judgmental person though! And of course there are no causal links between transvestism and homosexuality.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your work. And good job getting it in on time!
Helen
Prince Charming is a narrow minded person aswell, so thats the reason why he would stay with another one an
ReplyDeletealso why he would make a casual link between transvestism and homosexuality. That section was more me trying to take the piss out both of the characters. It's supposed to be tongue in cheeek.
Hey, Naboo,
ReplyDeleteYou've done well with the brief here - it certainly subverts the characters and the fairytale premise, and you've a good grasp of the proper conventions of drama writing now.
I can see you've already felt you needed to explain some aspects of it, so I won't go on about the same stuff, but what Helen's pointed out is something you could do to work on. Charming remains more of a sympathetic character than Cindy, so you'd need to make him as stupid as her if we're going to pick up on what's keeping the relationship going (shared stupidity :]).
I really like what you've done to the conventions of the story, and your dialogue flows well. Be careful with what's indicated by Charming's 'I still do.' I think you meant to have a 'wanted' somewhere in the previous bit to make it clear.
I like that you've made this a phone exchange too, so we get thrown straight into the modern world. I think if you wanted to play around with it you could play that up more. Have an indication of some rubbish ringtone that they share, or have them misundestand each other over bad signal - something like that. That way it's less incidental that they're speaking over the phone - it makes it part of the action.
Well done with that. I think you guage humour well (you make me chuckle) and it'll be ace to see what you do next. Take care,
Andy
Fun and anachronistic stuff. Well done (and promptly posted too!).
ReplyDelete