Aladdin: Honey I'm home!
Jasmine: Ah finally took your time didn't you. Did you bring my paracetamol.
Aladdin: Yes... i brought your bloody paracetamol and your hot water bottle and the rest of the rubbish.
Jasmine: Hey... There's a line. DON'T cross it. NONE OF THE STUFF is rubbish.
Aladdin: (sighs) Yes honey.
Jasmine: Right then, you can start with the ironing then do the dishes followed by the hoover and then i want you to clean up the bathroom, it's in a right mess.
Aladdin: O great, I come home after a long day at the carpet factory and you start bossing me around.
Jasmine: WHAT?
Aladdin: O nothing. Is that all honey?
Jasmine: Yes, then you can join me in bed.
Aladdin: Right. (half heatedly)
Hey Fizzy!
ReplyDeleteYour speech here is quite believable, the domesticity works, but perhaps it lacks a clear theme. What made you choose the story of Aladdin? What did you want to take from the original and subvert or transform?- I can't see many links with the source text.
Have another think about themes of the original story...
-power balance between characters
-Street rat vs Princess... maybe transform this so Jasmine becomes the quick witted street urchin rather than the passive heroine..
good luck
dani x
I agree with Dani - but I also think this stops short, and could have been developed more. It's fun and believable, but APPEARS to lack time and effort - and, if I am right, that's a real shame... :(
ReplyDeleteHi Fizzy
ReplyDeleteThis reads like the start of something for me.
I agree with Dani too. What is it about the Aladdin story that made you choose it to subvert?
I suppose your subversion is that Aladdin in your piece is downtrodden, not the hero he is in the original story.
But you need to do more work to make this aspect of him and his situation more believable and entertaining!
You could explore why Jasmine needs her paracetamol, why she is such a grump, why he has ended up with her, why he is working in a carpet factory, why he has to do all the housework, even though she has been in the house all day, why the allure of sex with her has no interest for him!!
All 'why' questions. So you need to do some development on it, and you could find yourself with a good, witty piece of work.
Good luck with it!
ann g