Edward: You ever thought about the finer things in life honey? (turns to look at his wife whilst putting down his newspaper on the table)
Sarah: Like what darling? What type of gravy we're going to be using tonight for dinner? Don't you worry though, I'm sure we have plenty in the fridge. (smiles and is about to leave the room to enter the kitchen before she is stopped)
Edward: No no, just wait. Like I'm talking about another mouth to feed, someone to be there for, someone that can make our family complete.
Sarah: Edward...
Edward: I want a child Sarah. You know I do. Don't you think that's really what we need. If we had one we wouldn't even HAVE gravy to be worrying about (laughs)
Sarah: Yes but darling...
Edward: We could even convert the guest room as a nursery and paint it whatever colour the child was into...
Sarah: Honey...
Edward: Wouldn't thay be marvelous. And what about the NAME first off? (an ear to ear smile)
Sarah: Look...
Edward: For a boy maybe, Thomas, Daniel... (dreamily smiles)
Sarah: Edward!
Edward: Roger? I don't know how about...
Sarah: EDWARD!
Edward: Toby? (looking puzzled)
Sarah: EDWARD WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME! (frustrated and angry looking look on face)
Edward: (looking slighty annoyed) OK, OK. If the names were that appauling then so be it. No need to get all whiney over it. What name would YOU like honey?
Sarah: I DON'T CARE ABOUT NO BLEEDING BABY NAMES BECAUSE THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A DAMN BABY... EVER! (stands up edgiing away from the piano, a slight tear in her eye)
Edward: What? I mean I thought it was what me and you wanted a family shortly after we got married... (looking down at the carpet and puzzled again, slighty hurt)
Sarah: I know. So did I. (sits back down again in silence staring into space)
Edward: (stands up and goes over to the window) So whats changed huh? One minute you do the next you dont whats wrong with you? (turns around to look at her and screams) WHY DON'T YOU WANT CHILDREN SARAH?
Sarah: BECAUSE I CANT HAVE ANY CHILDREN!! (breaks down into tears)
ever so sorry for the late post
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting eventually - although you need to be aware that posting this late may mean you don't get comments from the moderators, I am afraid, as they have other tight deadlines of their own and much to juggle.
ReplyDeleteI think your dialogue works really well here, and you quickly establish a very distinct dynamic between your two characters. The tension is wholly believable, even if Edward ends up coming across as a little one-dimensional, and Sarah's repeatedly thwarted attempts to get her point across work really well.
I reckon the problem with the piece, if there is one, is with the ending. It's not that it's not effective - it IS - but, as I've said with Yaz, Shiningstar and carlsberger, it is a touch melodramatic, with shades of soap opera about it. Is there a more subtle way in which the same resolution could be reached, do you think? Might be worth you exploring the Pinter like I have suggested to Shiningstar...
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI'm was relived that you eventually submitted. I know I joined late, but I've read all your previous blog pieces and was worried I wouldn't see more. I agree with englishguru that the ending was the only disappointing part of this piece. I was surprised by it only because I expected something more original, darker, less (as e.g. said) like something out of a soap. Please know that this a criticism but also a compliment. I only had this expectation because of the talent and innovative thinking you've shown before.
However, the scene shows your usual good ear for natural but also fresh dialogue. His revelling in names thinking her interruption, "Edward" (although it would be more subtle if not in CAPS) is another suggestion is cleverly composed. It's especially effective because, rather than explain the confusion in the dialogue, you indicate it in a stage direction.
Overall, a good piece of work, but you might consider working on the ending.
Hi Sugadust,
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comments about the ending. You clearly have a strong sense of the need for a grand finale, which is great, but you could tone it down a little. I'm sure it would do the piece the world of good.
I also think it would be interesting for you to explore why Sarah might not *want* to have children. I would love to see you play with narrative tension and explore the power dynamics between the characters. You certainly have the talent to explore such subtle issues.
Helen