My heart beats fast my blood pumps hard I pant I wheeze I need to
Stop…
And breathe.
I can’t go on I need to rest I have no strength I sloooooow dooooooown like a worn old car
Oh but I can’t… if I could just…
Stop…
And think.
Think of the prize think of the end I must go on, go on to win
All eyes are on me I know this is it. I spEEd Up I feel like I’ve been charged
I can see it I’m so close yes I’ve done it at last I can
Stop.
http://www.leppin.com/images/users/1.jpg
ReplyDeleteif you couldn't guess what i was writing about the picture of what my poem was about is on this url :)
Wow Grace
ReplyDeleteLove the poem =]
I like all the pauses
thnx amina that means alot, because i was getting a bit worried that nobody liked my poem (seeing as every body seemed to have had a comment apart from me) lol
ReplyDeleteso thnx for making me feel better :):):)!
Thoroughly original approach to the task.
ReplyDeleteWords: 100 = 5/5
Syllables: perfect = 5/5
Figurative language: A couple of excellent similes, but room for much more imagery... = 2/5
Auditory language: I like the way your sentences reflect the breathlessness of your character. I also like the way you 'stretch' some words for effect, and I like your use of repetition too. But room perhaps for more alliteration? = 3/5
Structure: The running pace of the piece carries us with her to the end really effectively - even if it is no surprise when we do. And I almost feel out of breath when I get there too! :) = 3/5
Overall = 18/25
Well done!