Her Palms are wet, her eyes wide set. She feels scared stiff, its her first time.
Will she be good? She just has one chance to please, if it goes wrong then it’s no more.
The time is near, the one chance, the BIG chance.
The drapes are drawn so she clasps him and puts him to her lush lips, she shakes.
She looks round to see nowt, just her and him now.
All the dreams of this scene went great; no flaws.
She moves her thumbs up and down him and she plays the tune, just her and her flute.
I really liked the way you kept giving us little clues but the clues weren't enough for us to guess exactly what the ending was.I was a great poem.
ReplyDeleteaaaaawwwwww mimi ur comment woz soooooo sweeeeet
ReplyDelete(sniff, sniff)
i really enjoyed reading your poem too, for some reason it made me laugh. at the beginning of the poem i thought "oh my gosh she's written about U KNOW WOT then at the end of the poem i heaved a sigh of relief and lughed
it was really fun to read and keep up the good work :) :) :)
until next time Aurevoir, arrivederci, ciao,sayonara, BYEEEE
*laughed
ReplyDeleteAww. ;3
ReplyDeleteThat is a really lovely little poem.
I play the flute too so I know how 'she' feels.
Great description. And I love the personification with the flute.
Had me getting worried for a second too. xDD
Keep up the good work.
Words: 101 = 4/5
ReplyDeleteSyllables: I thought of taking one mark off for 'nowt' which I think seems a bit weak, but otherwise it is excellent so I decided to be nice = 5/5
Figurative language: Powerfully descriptive though it is, there are no similes or metaphors = 0/5
Auditory language: Lots of alliteration = 3/5
Structure: clever twist, successfully tricks your reader - although it is something of an anticlimax perhaps... = 3/5
Total = 15/25
Well done. :)