I saw him come at first. I thought that I could not be touched.
Then, that whats came to be…
I guess.
My first was not meant to be like how it was. It was ‘sposed to be pure.
But that’s not what came to be…
I guess.
It was like a film. And I watched it take place, sat on my own.
I’m more on my own than all times in the past…
I guess.
I’m calm now, split by guilt and the sour taste of it.
That taste will stay with me for all time now…
I guess
Words: 100 = 5/5
ReplyDeleteSyllables: I'm going to be really nasty and take one mark off for 'sposed - because I think it jars a little = 4/5
Figurative language: some good imagery ("like a film", "split by guilt...") but not enough of it... = 2/5
Auditory language: effective use of repetition ("I guess"), but, apart from your brilliant penultimate sentence, not enough alliteration etc. = 2/5
Structure: Again, your repetition frames it well; and juxtaposition of "my first" with "for all time now" creates a tangible progression. Well done. 4/5
Overall = 17/25
Well done.
that was good work but what was the debut? not crticizing just asking.
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