The lights switched on, the stage is filled with cheers, her throat felt weird, her voice made a croak, and then the song slipped from her red lips, and her feet went tap, tap, her dance and her song joined, the crowd seemed please, she was great, and they all thought so too. The rest of the stage was then filled with more dance and song, and it grew and grew. They all danced, in this dance of joy and sung a song full of grace and then they suddenly had to come to a very quick and sharp stop.
I do enjoy how simply you have written this poem.
ReplyDeleteAlthough you do have one mistake in; Suddenly. That is 3 syllables. :)
You could have used a lot more metaphores/similes, otherwise it is really nice.
And I love how it comes to such an abrupt, stop.
Words: 100 = 5/5
ReplyDeleteSyllables: Almost perfect - apart from "suddenly" which is, as eternity.forever says, 3 syllables. = 3/5
Figurative language: Lots of metaphor, but room perhaps for some similes too? = 3/5
Auditory language: Your sentences are perhaps too long, and there could be more alliteration (like your brilliant "song slipped") = 1/5
Structure: Bit confused by your changes of tense, but you certainly build up excitement - even though your sudden finish is something of an anticlimax. = 2/5
Overall = 14/25
Well done - like Angel_K, this is your first time! :)