Dracula-Opening:
I found this opening very interesting because of how it leaves the reader to figure out what certain things might actually be, for instance the blue flame. The way the writer has many mysteries tied into one caught my eye. By this i mean how we do not know why the wolves are there, where the main character is being taken and what happens next. Like questions purposely left in your head. I have tried to use these key points in my extract.
What do they want from me?
The sudden ring of my phone broke my concentration. I wondered casually towards it not wanting to hint myself out, while also trying to calm my nerves (though i was the most obvious creature here). Through what i had heard, my scent was a delicious mix of subtle yet mind-blowing scents. If not my noisy footsteps then this would surely point me out. I answered the phone anxious but at the same time nervous. Was it the beast or the angel? Such differences in their classifications while both being of the same species. I answered but got nothing i wished to hear; 2 minutes later and i hung up. I left in a hurry and did as the beast said.
My journey was short through the vast, mysterious forest. Everywhere was covered by moss and tree’s, if not mud and sharp, jagged rocks. My eyes wandered through the trees as i drove past...until i saw it, a huge red-brown figure. This was not the first time i had seen it, but this time i was not dreaming. I could not stop i had no time. I drove faster with nerves creeping up on me, until finally i reached the gates. They were a pair of old, rusty gates...the kind you would see in horror movies. I took a deep breath and got out of the car.
A sudden burst of howls broke loose startling me. I knew it was the figure i had seen earlier, it had to be. I strode across the footpath not daring to look back when the howls started again. This time the howls sounded much, much angrier like i had done something to hurt them. What did they want from me?
Hi Sabz,
ReplyDeleteI can see from your thoughts on your chosen opening that you have applied the notion
of keeping back information in order to heighten a sense of mystery and accelerate narrative
drive. In your own writing you have achieved this through giving us impressions as oppose to absolutes. Well done for doing this. We come to our own conclusions about the figure and the beast and the angel.
What I think you should work on is building up a sense of atmosphere, not by explicitly
telling your reader that the woods are ‘mysterious’ but purely through description
and the anxieties displayed in your narrator.
If you were to carry on writing this I would like to read some vivid descriptive passages of the beast and the angel; but of course this is up to you! You would have to be careful not to give us a typical good vs evil impression of them, though.
The question at the end ties the extract together and gives it a sense of unity...
Keep going at it, and well done!
Liz
Hi Sabz!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your piece this week. You have successfully taken your favourite aspect of the Dracula and put it into your own writing, well done.
You pose the reader many questions, such as where the narrator is, why they are and what they are doing. Readers will keep on reading because they want to know the answers. Just be careful with longer pieces that you don't block the readers out and you feed them little clues as you go.
I think that you use a lot of adjectives to describe te setting, which is mostly a good thing, but I think that you could 'show' rather than 'tell' sometimes. You say that the forest is 'mysterious' - how about saying how it makes the narrator feel? Instead of saying that there were lots of moss, trees, mud and rocks, maybe the narrator could trip and feel the different textures? You can be as creative as you want
There are some grammatical inaccuracies, make sure you capitalise 'I' and double check all your sentences to make sure thay make sense. "Such differences in their classifications while both being of the same species" doesn't actually make sense, but with a bit of an edit, it would.
Well done, I think that you have tried hard and I'm looking forward to reading your next post!
Frances
Hi Sabz,
ReplyDeleteThis piece is most mysterious! I really want to know what happens next. :)
I loved your line about the brown figure: "This was not the first time i had seen it, but this time i was not dreaming." You've hit upon something really big here - dreams. It's hard to think of anything more mysterious in our logical world, and I love it when a horror story combines elements of dreams. The fact that your character has dreamt of the figure triples my interest in the story.
A few suggestions - I was wondering why you withheld descriptions of setting until paragraph 2. I appreciate that you do not tell us everything at once in order to build suspense, but I'd suggest putting more images of place in the beginning of your story (especially since I don't know whether paragraph 1 takes place in the forest or not).
Good work! You have captured my interest as a reader. :)
Maria
Hi Sabz. Sorry for this late reply.
ReplyDeletePART 1 - The sense of mystery is a very important aspect in horror writing as often people are afraid of what they don't know as their imaginations make it worse... In horror, though, often the reality can be worse! So well done on picking this up. Linked to this, Stoker writes from the perspective of the main character, so the reader is intimately sharing the character's fears and confusion.
PART 2 - You've done well on creating a sense of mystery for the reader. Again, as Stoker has done, the main character is almost as confused as the reader, so they can share the horror together. Remember to always capitalize 'I'. And please, please re-read to make sure everything makes sense. I'm sorry but I thought most of your first paragraph sounded like nonsense:
"I wondered casually towards it not wanting to hint myself out, while also trying to calm my nerves (though i was the most obvious creature here). Through what i had heard, my scent was a delicious mix of subtle yet mind-blowing scents. If not my noisy footsteps then this would surely point me out."
- what does 'hint myself out' mean?
- why is he an 'obvious creature'?
- the sentences starting 'through...' makes no sense to me at all. Why is the sound linked to his smell?
Don't try to over-write. It is always best to keep your writing simple, in language you find natural to use.
The last two paragraphs are much better. You build up a great scene and move on with the plot a bit more.