My heart pounded with excitement at the thought of getting up that high, climbing those hard steps to my goal.
It started to rain. The whistle blew. I started to climb, higher with each second.
It started to rain. The whistle blew. I started to climb, higher with each second.
Halfway, my throat choked as the hard pounding rain hit my helmet. I looked at the ground anxiously, I heard screaming and cheering as the first person reached the top of the rocks. Others followed five minutes later and I was still edging slowly to the top, hanging on for dear life. It felt forever, but I got to the top eventually.
That was good, I like the way you brought suspense in some parts.
ReplyDelete97 words
ReplyDelete128 syllables
So, whilst you are almost there on the word count, you are somewhat short of syllables. See if you can work out where a thesaurus could have replaced some words with longer, more complex ones.
Good development of tension, as you work towards your climax. You really provide a sense of atmosphere, as if we are there with your character. Well done!
However, more use could be made of simile and metaphor.
97 sir!? I had a email, and someone said that I had 103 words, this is very confusing, but on Microsoft word it said i had exactly 100. Anyway thank you for checking it and Thank you for the comment
ReplyDeleteBye
Nope. Checked it again - online and on WORD - and it is definitely 97 words. Not to worry though: you were very close... :)
ReplyDeleteI don't think this was my best ever post though it was one of my first. hehe oh well I have done better. Thanks again
ReplyDeleteAnnonomous