(A middle aged Asian woman is packing her suitcase, when she has finishes packing she sits and begins talking to the audience.)
I didn’t want it to end like this but I am just a woman, I have no say. I am just here to cook, clean and look after everyone. When it comes to the marriage of my 18 year old daughter, I must keep out.
(She sighs)
I wanted my daughter to be an independent young lady. She would break free from the chains of tradition and immerge into a modern woman. She would complete her studies, have a stable career and then think about marriage.
(She smiles briefly but soon it fades away)
But with my husband and his Stone Age values she can only dream of it. The sad thing is that she doesn’t even know she is being forced into a marriage. My husband has a way with her .He manipulates her into his way of thinking in such a way that she doesn’t realise it. She says something in agreement with him and there you go (clicks her fingers) she has given her consent; after that we’re all shipped on the first flight back home just in case she changes her mind.(gives a look of disgust)
Why can’t he forget about what society thinks? Why can’t he put my happiness and most importantly his daughter’s happiness into account? Why does he have to ruin my daughter’s life? (Tears stream out of her eyes)
After all the things I promised myself; how I wouldn’t let history repeat itself? How I promised myself that I wouldn’t let my daughter be forced into a marriage, my words backfire. I have failed her. After all the lengths I went to ,to get her the best education money can buy, she will end up being a housewife who will have to depend on her husband. She will be looked upon as a mere object not a human being, an object. (Sniffs and does her best to wipe her tears).But what can I do, I am useless. I’m going to have to watch my daughter throw her life away just like I did. (She looks at the application form for
Hey shining star, I like your portrayal of old asian tradition and how women do not have the say that they should have. Breaking away from tradition is extremely hard and your monologue does extremely well at expressing it. Although the women does not break the chain of culture, she does well to explain to the audience what she became and what she could have become. xx :D
ReplyDeleteAww thanx!
ReplyDeleteHi Shiningstar,
ReplyDeleteYou show a clear understanding of the politics of arranged marriage and a problem resulting from multi-culturalism here, and also allow us to have an emotional understanding of this woman, so great work.
I do have some suggestions however.
Where you say: 'My husband has a way with her' possibly give another example, show us how the husband has connived (in the wife's opinion) to force this marriage.
Be sure to keep consistency in your stage directions if you are going to have separate paras for them.
Also make sure to check for typos, spelling and grammar, e.g. 'immerge' is emerge; 'Why can’t he put my happiness and most importantly his daughter’s happiness into account?' might be 'Why doesn't/can't he take my happiness...'
You have a tendency to write short punchy sentences which restricts what your character can say and how she says it. Vary sentence length and write with the character and audience in mind at all times.
The final stage instruction should maybe be mentioned at the start.
Have you ever read anything by Hanif Kureishi, he writes with similar themes in mind.
Thank for your comments.I agree I do have a tendency to write short sentences and have been told many times to vary sentence length.I WILL try my hardest to achieve this.I am definably going to look into Hanif Kureishi so thanks for telling me about him.
ReplyDeleteI agree this is convincingly written, but I also agree that you are going to have to start taking some massive and daring risks with your writing, and especially with your syntax (sentence structure). Try using long, complex/compound sentences sometimes; but, equally, try using fragments, broken sentences, single words/phrases - and, indeed, anything else to make it more convincing and engaging as someone's colloquial speech.
ReplyDeleteAlso, think about the role that TENSION and a powerful CLIMAX must play in a piece of drama, and make sure it does not disappoint in this respect.
Good work though... :)
I take it completely on board.I know I'm always saying I'll try and do it next time but I definitely will.Thanks again all of you who have commented.
ReplyDelete