(An elderly woman sits on a rocking chair by a window, slowly rocking back and forth)
(There's a long silence before then the old woman stops rocking and looks towards her audience)
(spot light on the woman in the rocking chair)
It's not that I've had a bad life, I have done what every human being was put on this earth to do, I tried to lead as full a life as possible... Oh what fun we used to have when we were young (She chuckles) When we were young... (short pause) Most of the years gone by seem like distant memory to me now, it's all a bit hazy to me... But still, I have served my purpose I think, to the best of my ability and have had a good life, as for regrets? Well, we all have a few... Would we be fully human if we didn't? (She smiles faintly) To be quite truthful, I have a few regrets too many... Perhaps if I was at the right place, at the right time, maybe if I had been nicer to my mother, not had such awful arguments with my friends, perhaps if I hadn't of let him go...
(There's a long silence and the woman starts to rock back and forth again)
My father, he always told me a life without passion, without love is a life half lived and I can sit here all night and tell you my stories, my fading memories, but I can't tell you of a life spent with someone I truly loved, no... A part of me has always felt somewhat, (she struggles to find the words)empty, somewhat.. lonely.All alone in a room full of people..
I remember my mother, how beautiful she looked in that yellow summer's dress (she smiles to herself) I remember my father, how he looked at her with such adoring eyes.. You could see him looking at his whole world, he loved her so..
(She puts on a deep voice, imitating a man's) "A life lived without love, is a life half lived" , he'd keep telling me.. Oh but I did love... A long, long time ago (she looks out the window) I have never told anyone about William, not even my husband, I did love my late husband of course, but it was more of a brotherly love, not a love filled with passion and desire, it was more of (a pause) a deep friendship, and that was fine but you see, William... (she smiles to herself) William was my first love. After all these years, I have never found a love so deep, so true... I have known passion, I have known such a love that could have been mistaken for obsession even, total adoration for another human being... (A long pause) A love, that lasted for one summer, and that summer lasted a lifetime in my heart. there's a silence
(The old woman falls silently still and glances down at her aging hands)
No, I haven't had a bad life, I have done things that most people only dream of doing, but yet I wonder, was my life half-lived? Is a summer romance enough to fill a lonely heart still longing for true love..? (short pause)
Perhaps next life time, I will do things differently.
(She goes back to rocking slowly back and forth, while glancing out the window)
(The room fades to black)
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI've been looking forward to some drama, and this was ace. You've established a good tone, and use it well to create a narrative. I especially like that the character doesn't just tell us a story, like she infers she could, and instead teases the audience with possiblilities - showing us the story instead, with voices and hints.
I think 'like distant memory' should be 'memories' - I also think you'd have got that yourself with another read through - sorry for being picky.
Also I don't think you need the 'it's all a bit hazy' after it - it's telling the same thing (must stress that repetition in other bits, like the father's sayings, works really well though - keep it).
Your turn of phrase with romance is beautiful - 'you could see him looking at his whole world' and 'it lasted a lifetime in my heart' are cool - the 'whole world' thing is especially resonant.
I think the 'there's a silence' stage direction needs to be bracketed.
Other than that I'm not sure there's much more I can say. You should be proud. I can see you've enjoyed this. If you wanted to do any more with it, you could maybe play with the idea of the character being an unreliable narrator - have her keep questioning herself on details so we're not quite sure if we're being told the truth (it follows the logic you estabished with the 'like distant memories' part).
Really well done, and thanks for that. Take care,
Andy
Thank you Andy xD
ReplyDeleteYeah, I noticed that mistake, should have been memories
thanks Andy =D
Hey punk-rock-princess,
ReplyDeleteYour opening is great here – it really makes me want to read on to find out about her regrets in life. In fact, I think you built up my expectations so much that I was a little disappointed to find out that her regret was not spending her life with her true love – I was expecting something a little grittier. But the way you begin to tell about her true love, through a quote from her father, is a good original idea.
I find myself wanting know more about William. Why was he so special? What did he look like? Or your character could at least describe one distinct memory she has of him. A little more detail about William will help your readers to better understand her sense of loss.
I like how you continually use your stage directions to remind us of the woman’s physical presence and that she’s still in her chair, rocking away. Makes it realistic, and makes it seem like I'm watching her perform on stage or in a movie.
Well done!
Hi Punk Rock Princess
ReplyDeleteReally liked this. I thought you could do more with your opening para to draw the audience in - as if your narrator was sat in her chair and either heard something offstage or saw something that started her off talking about regrets in her life. The opening had a real sense that someone was passing through the room she was in and she began talking to them. Although I liked the quote about 'a life without passion is a life half lived' I thought that dwelling too much on father saying this seemed to distract from the important issue, which was the story about William. I wanted to know more about what happened to him. If he was the love of her life then why isn't she with him now? When did she realise he was so important? Did he feel the same way about her? And also, why did she settle for her husband? And what does she feel about her situation now? And when you talk about the love mum and dad had for each other, I sense you are using this as a contrast to the lack of passion she has/had for her own husband. So perhaps to make this contrast stronger, she could describe some event with her husband when she couldn't show him the love and passion she perhaps felt she ought to do. (Perhaps after the birth of a child???) You are dealing with some strong emotions here and you could explore them more. Your narrator may feel she was a victim, but so too is/was her husband and even her children. I think you could really bring a lot more power to this by exploring these really powerful issues of regret, of settling for something, of feeling you have failed to live your life fully.
Try and get hold of a copy of 'The Beauty Queen Of Leenane' by Martin McDonagh, and see how he does it! Missed opportunities, regrets, the chance to do something about it and still failing to do so. It's strong stuff to be working with!
Hope this helps
Best wishes
ann g
Not much to add to what has been said already, although I agree that the ending was a little bit of an anticlimax. Perhaps that's the trouble with writing so well and convincingly - you up the stakes for that all-too-difficult ending... :)
ReplyDelete