Because you are one charming masterpiece,
My love for you will thread eternity.
Like time, your love will never once decease,
Your touch and warmth can spell infinity.
An empty glass then, I was lost and scared,
Until you found your way to make me laugh.
Your smile just filled me up full and declared,
You're mine, my jewel, my soul, my other half.
But truth and such can leave me lovestruck still,
Because with every good cop brings a bad.
My mind was blinded, I was fooled until,
You're absence flaw revealed that you're a dad.
Love proved to me you were my soul mate then,
Now say farewell, and wave goodbye, again.
Hope you all have a lovely Valentines Day. ^^
ReplyDeleteAnd that my poem's good, obviously. XD
Your poem is much more than good.Well done!!
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent, sophisticated, advanced stuff indeed.
ReplyDeleteYou produce something outstanding each time, and yet still manage to better it next time around. Well done you! :)
A few slight glitches, although I am sure I am being really picky - so you're welcome to ignore me:
"full" sounds weird unstressed, especially with "and" stressed after it - and I'm also not sure "full" is the best choice of vocab so soon after "filled"
"brings" is just the wrong word; it's fine metrically, but "comes" would make more sense
"absence flaw" - I'm just not sure quite what this means, and therefore it seems a somewhat clumsy, opaque phrasing...
Other than that, though - outstanding. I especially like some of your verb phrases: e.g. thread eternity; spell infinity. Highly original and really rather striking. :)
Dear Eternity -
ReplyDeleteI must agree. This ticks the boxes in terms of being 'correct' iambic pentameter, structure etc for a sonnet. What is far harder to do, though, is produce something that feels really original, and you are, by using the language in interesting ways(eg thread infinity - really good!).
There are a few places, though, where the usage is odd, though: 'brings', 'absence flaw', and also the use of 'decease' in line 3 - it's not really used as an active verb, as in ' to decease' for 'to die' - just in passive form, as in 'he is deceased.' Perhaps 'cease' is what you're looking for?
Really well done (and happy valentine's day to you too!)