(She sits down on her bed, reminiscing fond memories, wondering if things will ever be the same. She gets up and looks out her window looking on at the romantic young couples arm in arm wondering if she would ever find herself in that position again.)
Life’s not easy you know. Being me. The amount I went through… GOING to go through… Still AM going through. It’s unreal. I hate how I had the one for me… I knew he was. And then it just ended. Because of him. The one I loved. Love still. (Looks at the floor) I love how he treated me… the way he talked to me, the way he said he loved me. I just don’t understand why it had to end. (Tears in eye). As if that’s the only thing im crying about though. Me being a hormonal imbalanced typical teenage girl tutting, sighing and with uncontrollable moodswings; regularly. I hate how my parents and family don’t understand why I am the way I am. I can’t help but to be growing can I? Can you hear that? Mum screaming at me to run in the shower. Dad screaming even more saying how I'm wasting his electricity by leaving the boiler on. Is money all they bloody care bout? (Heavily crying)
I don’t mean to cry. That’s just the way I am I guess. It’s as if my body wasn’t built to control tears. Maybe that’s one thing God should’ve included in the human package; immunity to pain. Why does being so young and naive have to hurt? I mean, I just can’t help but to fall in love. I want him back. My parents aren’t making things any easier for me either by nagging me. They won’t ever understand. Or is it just that they enjoy inflicting all this pain on me? They like to see me suffer? They use GCSE exams and revision to suffocate me in fact… as in a form of punishment? Does HE want to see me suffer too? Does he know I still love him and that he loves someone else now? (Hyperventilates). Well I don’t need them if that’s the case… No one will ever be needing me again…
(Sounds of muffled screaming… parents walk in to be welcomed by a pool of blood…)
Wowww. Really Dramatic B lol. I Love It. You notice how everyone dies or does something damaging in the end lol. But is Cool the way you explained them coming in to a 'Pool of Blood'. Keep it up Dudette =] x
ReplyDeletesikkkly dun man :) keep it up n dat
ReplyDeleteheya b yup ma dad screams bout the electricity too lol - this is great... it really shows how teenagers are mistaken to be something their not. it was really good and had a really dramatic well thought out ending to it. xx :D
ReplyDeleteSlightly melodramatic final stage direction (not sure it is wholly necessary), but the rest is compelling and convincing stuff. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am not convinced it does much more than scratch the surface. So I know your character is an irascible teen, and that she doesn't get on with her parents. But I do not end up knowing what makes her truly different from every other stroppy teenager; nor do I found out much about who HE is, or what exactly happened there.
A dark piece like this inevitably builds up tension - so it is important that tension GOES somewhere in the end.
Hope that makes sense? :)
Hello sugadust,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this. I do think that piece builds up tension really well. The stage directions mean that the reader/viewer sees the character getting gradually more and more worked up. You have also managed to capture the speaking voice of the girl really well.
You always produce good, solid responses to the tasks, and it's obvious that you work really hard. I do think that you should start playing around with words a little more though. I think it would really help push something like this to another, darker level.
Keep up the good work.
Helen