(A 32 years old woman sits in an armchair, holding a picture of her 5 years old son who died in a car accident. The room is dark and only a bit of light from the window shines through and there are her son’s toys everywhere.)
He meant the world to me (holds on tight to the picture).Oh God, he was so young, why didn’t you take me instead? He was so young and innocent; he didn’t cause any harm to anyone. (Looks at the picture). I remember, how he always used to tell me, “Mummy when I grow up I want to become a police man.” And I would smile at him and say; yes dear you will be one day. He never got the chance to make his dream come true. All because of me, if I didn’t take him in the car, he would have still been alive. Now I regret the every moment I made him get into the car.
(Gets up from the armchair and picks up one of the toys, and goes to sit back down.)
This was his favourite toy, a little blue car, he wouldn’t go anywhere without it. I should have been more careful but I wasn’t and there is nothing I can do to change that now (puts the toy on the floor). I would do anything to get my son back, anything I tell you. But everyone says “you can’t change the past.” They don’t how it feels for a mother to lose their child and I wouldn’t want them to experience it neither. I always thought I was a good mother but I was wrong. How can I be a good mother? I didn’t protect my son, I didn’t save him and I let him die before me. How did I let that happen? (starts to cry and gets up, goes to sit on her son’s bed).
(Wipes her tears). Every night I would sit here and read him a bed-time story. He used to love them and I used to love reading them to him. He was so playful and always seem to be happy, he made the house alive and full of joy. All that is gone now. The house is empty and dark. I’m all alone but it was my fault, it was my fault I am now all alone. I have to go through the pain for what I have done. If only I was more careful on the road, he would be in my arms right now. (starts to cry again) There is no point in crying, it’s not like that is going to bring back my son. Is it?
I think its time I pay the price for what I have done. I always said I would stay by my son, where ever he may be. (takes out a gun from under the bed). It is my only choice and that is the only way I can be with him. That way I won’t be alone anymore. I know I will be happier up there then I would ever be without him here. (puts the gun near her head). I can’t live without my son. He meant the world to me…(shoots herself and falls of the bed).
Wow!Powerful stuff.You really captured the emotions of the mother in the monologue.
ReplyDelete:O well dun man :P much beta den mine :|.... u put nuff emotion into it :)
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteCrikey - I feel a bit drained after that. Well done. It would trash an audience, and that's always a good thing.
I'll say first that you've grasped the form brilliantly - all your directions are clear, and you've controlled your voice well. There's some complex stuff being played out, but you do it with clear punctuation (which is what your actress would need) and solid actions.
So, yeah - it's ace and you should be proud. I do have some further ideas towards it - these don't take anything away from what you've done, because it's brilliant, but I'm excited about what else you could do with it, and also think that this might help when you're thinking about plays in the future (and I hope you are doing some more soon - I'm enjoying these).
Ok - The ending is a really powerful piece of action. The rest of the piece is pretty much us being told a good, dramatic story. It's easy to do with monologues, cos when people talk for a long time the most natural form is a story. But, in drama, it can sometimes be best to hold back from telling us everything. Just to suggest things can be enough.
In this case you could have your character upset, and we don't know why, or you could even start with the end (the strongest action) and have the rest follow on. Also when she talks about memories with her son speaking she could act bits out - moving around as if he's there.
Oh, one other thing. Objects in plays are fantastic - any object you choose to put there has the attention of the whole audience, especially if it's a relatively empty stage. In this you mention a favourite toy - make it a car, keep it in her hand, then reveal that he died in a car crash later. It'll mess with your audience, which is always fun.
Just as a final thing the line 'there is no point in crying' is awesome and well placed. Well done with all of this. Thanks for submitting it, and take care,
Andy
Thank you everyone for your comments! :D
ReplyDeleteand Andy thank you very much for the comments you made, i will take on board the things you said and make my work even better. :)
Not much to add from me - I agree wholeheartedly; and I think that further improvement will come, as Andy says, from holding a little more back, and using the monologue instead to reveal somewhat more about her personality (and also the way she actually speaks).
ReplyDeleteWell done.