Incident Report:
Name: Tommy Book
Age: 8
Date: November 1st 2007
What happened?... well mummy and daddy had an argument. I don't know how it started i was colouring and didn't care at the begining because it always happens. I don't like it. I think its stupid and fightings bad. Daddy said mean stuff about Mummy and then Mummy cried but said mean stuff back. Something about Mummy wasting everything of Daddys. It got too scary after a while so i cried too then Billy came and told them to shutup and he had a headache. Then everything went silent and dad went to bed even though he just got back from work.
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Incident Report:
Name: Tommy Book
Age: 9
Date: November 2nd 2007
It happened again today but worse. Today was my birthday and i was really exited but Daddy came late and we were waiting. When he came at night Mummy got angry and started shouting at him about coming late. Daddy shouted back. I was still sitting there waiting to cut the cake and waiting for them to stop and everything will be back to normal in a while. But then Daddy slapped Mummy and pushed her onto the floor and swore at her. Then he looked at me and just walked out. I miss Daddy i want him back. Can somebody help?
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p.s: sorry for late reply interenet was off.
Hi Fizzy, I like the format that you’ve chosen. I also like the way that the date change includes Tommy’s birthday as well as the events he’s narrating. I’m not clear what kind of incident report this would be though. Is it a statement given by Tommy to a police officer? Or is it some kind of diary or recollection? If it were a police incident report then I’m not certain it’d all be in Tommy’s voice, it would probably be narrated in the third person and maybe include some quotes from Tommy. Are the misspellings and left-out apostrophes (‘Daddy’s’; ‘it’s’; ‘fighting’s’) on purpose to show that Tommy is young? But if that’s the case, I don’t think it would be an incident report – that would be filled out by an officer and include other details. You might want to change it to turn it into Tommy’s diary. Also watch the tenses/moods: it makes more sense either to say ‘I was still sitting there waiting...and everything would be normal’ or, ‘“Everything will be normal,” I told myself’. I think it might be worth turning this either into an incident report (which implies that at the end a crime of some sort has happened, or an injury, otherwise there wouldn’t be an official incident report) including various people’s versions of what happened, plus the details including time of the incident that led to the reports being compiled; or make it into Tommy’s diary (in which case include more details about what has been happening, what his parents actually say during the fight, etc).
ReplyDeletethe idea was that tommy writes it but not realy sure bout what type of incedent report? erm... should i change it?
ReplyDeletea diary and extend the plot or something and ill change the tenses too?