Trust
Have you ever experienced something so dreadful that every time it crosses your mind, it feels like your heart is being slashed open and you despise yourself for it? No one in their right mind can ever imagine what I went through. That’s why I decided to write this story, to explain my unimaginable past.
3 YEARS EARLIER
HELP! I screamed out continuously, hoping that someone or something would save me. He came out of nowhere and dragged me off the small park bench. He threw me on to the cold, damp, filthy floor and forced his self on top of me. Squashing me. Caressing me. He pinned my hands to the ground and I struggled to get free. The pain of it all was unbearable; it felt like my soul was being pulled out of me. He tore my clothes apart and calmly gnawed his way sickly down me. That’s when he forced down my underwear and I knew what he was going to happen next. He took of his own trousers and I started screaming like I had never screamed before. I tried kicking him, I tried beating him of me, but he was too strong. I just gave up in the end. I felt stupid and useless. I even tried telling the moon to help me, only the moon could’ve saved me. That’s when he did it. That’s when he raped me and changed my life forever.
Why did it happen to me? Why did he have to kiss me patronisingly before he left? The kiss. The kiss had felt very familiar. I couldn’t believe the way he left. Shamelessly. I was left there, all alone, left lying on the cold, muddy grass still in shock from what had happen to me. I was still staring at the malevolence moon, thinking about what I had ever done that was so awful that he couldn’t even save me. Save me from the evil monster.
3 years ago this happened to me. I guess I’m over the trauma of it now. I had a lot of time to find myself again and put the past behind me. Don’t get me wrong I still hate that animal for what he done to me, for what he put me through. It was just another typical day for me that day. I remember that I was really excited, because I was going on a date with this stunning guy that I really liked. Not in a million years would you think that he would be capable of doing something like this.
He had told me to meet him at 6:00 at the park. I remember getting ready from 4:00 and even going to the park 20 minutes early. 1 hour had passed and he still didn’t show up. I still wonder why I didn’t realise that he wasn’t going to show. I guess I really thought he liked me. Instead, I waited for hours. He was still nowhere to be seen.
I can still remember how I spent those hours, reminiscing about him. All the romantic thoughts were pumping around my body with every heart beat. I was just in my own amorous world, full of flowers, romance and exquisite thoughts. I think I was at the park until 1:00 to be exact. I knew it was really stupid to stay at a park for that long especially when it was dark; but it was something I had to do for love, for me. That’s when I turned from being a clean juvenile virgin and had my world shattered to be known as a dirty slag.”Damaged goods”, that’s what my parents called me, before they disowned me, when they found out what had happened to me.
No one understood me. Why couldn’t they see that I was the victim? I would’ve stopped him if I could. He never really said anything to me whilst he abused me.” You fucking slag, you deserve everything you get”. That’s all I remember him saying. I really can’t believe I never recognised his voice. His deep, husky voice. The person I considered the closest and the dearest, did that to me. What had I ever done to him, apart from love him? He really despised me. There’s no other explanation. Why else would he take my life and chew it up and spit it out like it was anything?
Well his really paying for it now. Every ounce of pain and suffering, every drop of water he caused to fall out of my eye, his really paying for it now. They think his nutty. He’s in a mental institution now. I hope he bloody rots there. I hate him, I really do. Now do you understand how I feel? I may sound cold-hearted, but you would only now how I feel if you’re beloved boyfriend raped you and exposed you of all your pride and dignity. Yes, it was Jay who raped me. He was the one who screwed up my life. I knew something like this was going to happen to me. I deserved this for hurting people. I guess getting raped was the only way all the hurt people suffered because of me reflected back to me. The memories of what happened will always remain within me. But I’m happy now. I’m alone. I prefer to be alone, because then I will never have to experience the pain and suffering deceitful humans cause ever again.
Hey Sadz,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how you framed your story with the narrator’s thoughts and emotions about her “unimaginable past.” I also liked that it wasn’t a strictly linear narrative – you start with her thoughts 3 years after the rape, then flash back to the rape, then back to how she got to the park, then forward to the present again. It made it interesting to read because it made it suspenseful. When I was reading about the rape, I wanted to know the situation leading up to it, which made me want to keep reading to find out.
One thing that could make your story even better is to use more specific details – which I think I suggested for your other story, too. For example, one sentence you have is: “He tore my clothes apart and calmly gnawed his way sickly down me.” Here you could describe what the narrator is wearing. If the rapist is ripping off a button-down shirt, it would give a much different image than if he’s ripping off a t-shirt and jeans. And the word “gnawed” makes me think he’s biting her – is this true? If so, I’d like you to give more detail about it, like how hard does he bite, does it make her bleed, does it leave marks, etc? Other areas of your story could use similar detail enhancement.
The details I do like are the kiss the rapist gives the narrator when he’s finished – very creepy. And I like that she looks to the moon for help because no one else is around. (Is it a full moon? Half moon? New moon?...)
I would like to know more about the narrator’s relationship with her boyfriend Jay before the rape occurs. It would be nice to have a brief scene or image of the two of them together – a flashback – and a good place to do this is in the paragraph when she’s describing getting ready for her date. What qualities does he have that attracts her to him in the first place? Details about their relationship will make the revelation (that her rapist is Jay) more shocking.
(Also check for a few typos – you have “of” instead of “off” in some places.)
Thanks for posting your story, and good luck with it! Let me know if you have any questions.
WOW! Thers only a few stories i read and 1. don't get bored after the first few words 2. leave me in a trance and still thinking about it minutes after reading it! i think your story is amazing and at a standard that i would love to achieve with my writing. A few spelling mistakes (but who am i to talk) and i think you should have introduced jay a bit earlier in the story but thats all i can say bad
ReplyDeleteWELL DONE!:D
Wow!!
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing,I'm not even joking.To improve it you should proof read it and check for the spelling mistakes but apart from that I think you will definitely get a really good mark for it.
thankyouuu.....ill kepp all ur scomments in minds n il fix it up n post it again later thankiyouuu :D
ReplyDelete