Knots and Crosses by Ian Rankin
Although Exit Music is by far my favourite Rebus tale, Rankin manages to sustain a thrill throughout all of his novels - Knots and Crosses being only one of them.
Simplicity. Rankin has perfected the use of this skill, along with speech, to keep the reader on the edge of his “queer” conversation. Rankin’s speech reads very easily, with short and to the point descriptions to help clear up Rebus’ “business”. This gages the reader, as if we are eavesdropping at the office door with our ears pressed into the wood, only to get sucked in when the dialogue indicates a change in Rebus’ mood. A varied syntax also helps to build up towards the cliff hangar, because long passages of only description can (but does not always) slow down the pace of the story. Rankin also uses Rebus’ thoughts and actions to help guide the reader, expressing what the main character knows and feels so that the reader can be with him unravelling the crime. “But why him?” – We won’t know until Rebus finds out.
Don’t Turn Around
Don’t turn around.
She read the words again, counting to five as she did so. Then she pressed send.
Phillips walks up to me.
“Evening, boss.”
“Good day?” I gave him a friendly punch in the shoulder in return for his smile.
“Not really. Chief made me sort out his office whilst she,” He indicated at Jennifer. “And himself went through this month’s budget.” I grinned.
“What’s going on then? Chief sounded anxious on the phone.” My hair was still wet from the shower I had fifteen minutes ago.
“Two kids were found in the alleyway back there.” He turned around and pointed at the cornered off area. I nodded.
“Any witnesses?”
“None yet.”
“Forensics here?”
“They will be. But road works are keeping them up.”
“Can I go through?”
“I don’t see why not. You are my boss after all.” Phillips winked cheekily and walked me up to the crime scene tape. I turned around quickly.
“You holding up, kid? You look a little rough.”
“I’m fine, thank you. Do you want me to get you one?” He waved the extra large cup of coffee in his right hand, and I nodded with gratitude. What an amazing kid.
Charlie was already hovering above the corpses, trying to peer into the contents of the dead girls’ bag – with little success, mind you.
“Well, look who we have here.” I stood with my arms folded, looking smug.
His head spun around, quick as a bullet, before his smile lit up the gloomy alleyway.
“Davie boy, it’s been a long time. Heard it was your day off?”
“It was, until Halloween got to these two.” My chin pointed to the bodies.
“Yeah, shame. Young things. Remember when we were the hooligans?” He smiled.
“I wish I could forget.” I smiled back. He gave me a brotherly hug, his big build crushing my lungs.
“Ah, sorry mate, I’m like a giant, I am. Handshake?”
I shook his fat right hand.
Something clattered lower down in the alleyway – it took us seconds to sprint towards it.
“What was that?” Charlie whispered. I shushed him and walked over to a graffiti layered wall, riddled with colour and crumbling with age. Two bins lay knocked over at its base.
Behind the bins was a partial opening; I took out the pen torch from my jacket and climbed through. Dust caressed my skin as I walked deeper into what seemed to be a basement.
My Blackberry vibrated in my trouser pocket. 1 new message.
I opened it. The three words were simple enough, something that I wouldn’t have done instinctively if I hadn’t been a police officer.
Don’t turn around.
I turned around.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteIt's good to read your work again. Your analysis nicely indentifies some of Rankin's techniques; dialogue is indeed pacier if it's stripped down, and for that to work clarity is essential.
You've done a good job of pacing your piece. Sections such as this...
“Any witnesses?”
“None yet.”
“Forensics here?”
“They will be. But road works are keeping them up.”
“Can I go through?”
...are nicely kinetic - you should be proud. The lack of indicators is especially neat. One tip - when you're using action to indicate who is speaking serperate it from the paragraph of another's action. For example, detach ' I nodded' from 'he turned around and pointed at the cornered off area' - it might look lonley on its own but it makes the possession of the following line of dialogue ultra-clear. Also,I think 'cordoned off' is more appropriate than cornered, but you could argue me on that one.
Another thing to look out for when using actions to indicate who's about to speak is that you can end up with repetitions. 'He shrugged' is the usually offender - in your case there are a few 'He turned around's. Don't let your characters start spinning - we can take for granted that they'll face each other when speaking, or maybe they don't, but it doesn't matter - it's fine to use as long as it's not obviously abundant.
I loved the way you tie the opening to the ending - it's great. You also descibe actions concisely, such as in:
Behind the bins was a partial opening; I took out the pen torch from my jacket and climbed through.
It reads really well. Extra points (it's difficult not to type 'to Griffyndor' after that) for making good use of a semi-colon in that sentence too. I think you should be very proud of the whole thing, well done and take care,
Andy
Hi eternity forever,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this, and I can see that you've thought about the pace of your piece very carefully. The speed of the piece was compelling to read, and your use of dialogue quickly conveyed the emotions of your characters, and how they felt about being confronted by the shocking situation they are presented with. There was something extremely unsettling about Charlie looking into the victim's bag. It seemed like a violation of his authority and contributed to this feeling of lack of safety.
I wasn't sure about the opening, because it seemed to use the third person before falling into first person a few sentences later, so I found that a little confusing. Another aspect that I thought might be worth expanding on was the descriptions of the bin scene at the end. You could evoke the stench of the bins, the sensations they evoke, but I realise that you are writing to a word limit.
The descriptions of graffiti are fantastic, and the emotions of your characters are conveyed very well. This is a great piece of work. There's much to admire here.
Well done!
Liz
Again, some fantastic prose writing here – very well done indeed! You’ve got a wonderful ear for dialogue, which makes the characters come alive. Through their speech Charlie, Phillips, and the narrator come across as warm, friendly, and humorous, and are thus deeply engaging.
ReplyDeleteYour short, descriptive passages are well-paced, but they don’t quite sustain the energy and appeal of your dialogue. Occasionally you slip into conventional phrasings, such as ‘quick as a bullet’, or ideas such as a smile lighting a place up. I know from the previous flair you’ve demonstrated that you are MORE than capable of writing descriptions with far greater zest than this, and would like to see you demonstrate it again!
I found your opening’s shift from third to first person highly jarring, and it made it initially difficult for me to “place” myself, and thus engage with, the excerpt. As such, I’d recommend dropping the opening third person lines altogether: I don’t think it’s necessary for the reader to know a ‘she’ is sending the text for your final couple of paragraphs to have such a wonderful impact. Not only did this ending reveal a lot about the narrator’s contrary/confident mindset, but it was also a gripping cliff-hanger – I want to read more! Very much looking forwards to your next piece.