My heart beating, my head wondering what will there be? Too much worry will cause stress, why did they forced me out I was enjoying life, free food, no rent and now I’m out I have to cry when I need anything. Life got harder I got stronger, it’s just how life is you have to fend for yourself, not just rely on mummy and daddy. In my head I could imagine a humongous glass of milk wonderful Milk! But instead I got some meaty thing (I enjoyed the meaty thing, yummy!) can life get any better? What a Christmas!!!!!
so proud of my work!! (A little bit late thought sorry!)
ReplyDeleteI had a sylablle problem (and i can't spell it)
ReplyDelete100 words: well done! But only 130 syllables. It is a question of going back over several words and, using a thesaurus, seeing which you could replace with a longer, more complex (and polysyllabic) word.
ReplyDeleteThat said, there is lots of good stuff here. I particularly like your description of your narrators foetal existence ("free food, no rent, and now I'm out I have to cry when I need anything").
Be careful with your sentences - and your punctuation - and ensure it always makes your meaning more (rather than less) clear.
As for your climax, I really like the way you wrap up your narrative in such a lively and fun fashion.
P.S. Spelling = "syllable" :)