Debut
It seemed an unfamiliar machine now that it had lost the two parts missing. I felt my heart, (bursting with excitement and fear) pounding. I heard the severe voice of my coach giving me my instructions. It seemed to me physically impossible however I had watched it being done by others. I climbed onto my vehicle and could see a difficult mission lay ahead. I positioned my foot to the pedal and off again, like a finger to a boiling kettle. When I finally controlled the monster for a few meters, I knew I had just ridden my first bike.
I love your use of metaphor here, much of which is wonderfully original and very effective indeed. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteI also love the way you steer (sorry for the pun!) us towards your resolution, and tension is developed and maintained with considerable skill. This is a very good piece of writing indeed.
The only limitation is your syllable count, which I count at 143 - 7 short of the target. See if a redraft could correct this?