Stress is a vice that continues to tightenStress is a stain that refuses to lighten
Stress is a beast; always ready to frighten
Stress is …
Stress is a voice that’s relentlessly hounding
Stress is a black hole; there is no rebounding
Stress is a drum that is constantly pounding
Stress is ….
Stress is a burden; the weight on your shoulders
Stress is a file, way to massive for folders
Stress is a mountain with stampeding boulders
Stress is…
Stress is a word but for some it’s a sick curse
Stress is an illness and it only gets worse
Stress is a wound, one you surely cannot nurse
Stress is …
Stress is a nuisance; unwanted and painful
Stress is a force that is callous and baneful
Stress is the reason I’m blue (and that’s shameful!)
Stress is …
Loved it :) but you made one mistake... erm i think it was the "to" in the 10th line, needs to be changed to "too" :D
ReplyDeletejil
ReplyDeletepay no attention to the comment above
ReplyDeleteit was a mistake :) :)
thhhhhhaaaaaaannnnnnkkkkkk yoooooouuuuuuuu
ReplyDeletesoo much fizzy, and yeah i noticed that as well (right after i posted it)but Unfortunately it was already too late
lol :D :D :D
Grace your poem is like bloomin' brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI read it to my Mum and she loved it!
and i got you a naruto/bleach poster from the anime convention =]
xx
Wow! I absolutely loved your poem.Yeah I noticed the mistake too but I think with such a great poem full of emotion and metaphors it can be excused.Well done!
ReplyDeletesaaannnkkkkuuuuuu
ReplyDeletefor yur comment i appreciate it
:D :D :D =] =] =] :) :) :)
You chose an extremely difficult subject to write about and you mastered it fantastically.
ReplyDeleteI think your intro pulls you into the piece, and maintains you throughout.
Your metaphors and descriptions are fresh and imaginative.
Definitely captured me on this one.
^^
I shall start by saying what I think does not work so well. I know this is not a good way to start my comment (always better to start with the strengths) but I will explain myself later.
ReplyDeleteStanza four is the weak point of the poem. This is for two main reasons: firstly, it is the only stanza where the rhymes (and the lines which accommodate them) seem a little forced; and secondly, it is the only stanza where your rhythm breaks down from the tetrameter (four-feet) you have sustained meticulously elsewhere. So I would highly recomment reworking (or replacing) this stanza.
Why? Because the REST of the poem is staggeringly fantastic. Not only is every metaphor full of originality and strength, but you also adhere to a perfect and fluent rhythm throughout, and it all seems completely natural. You are the only student to master the rhythm in this way - and I said at the start how the rhythm was the most difficult thing.
So...
Stanzas 1, 2, 3 and 5: a pretty much perfect poem.
And reading this has made me realise how some of you simply do not have to produce a separate piece of Original Writing coursework: redrafting a fine-tuning a bunch of wordvoodoo submissions should be all you need to secure some pretty impressive marks on that GCSE task.
Well done scarlet-kyuubi: rapidly becoming a force to be reckoned with on this blog!