The moment arrived and like a storm, departed; but he forever remained the happiest person alive. His heart pounded; walking off the pitch. He felt intimidated yet very confident. His game play was sensational. He wasn’t knowledgeable of his precious skills. The crowd stood up. The passionate screams began. As a tear dribbled down his cheek. He looked at the vivid grey-blue sky, as his tear started to fly. He thanked his god for this somatic sensation and wished this moment lasted until his very last breath. Whilst walking away he established courage to say, “I’m very proud of myself!”
Looks spot on to me: 100 and 150, as requested. Well done!
ReplyDeleteYou make good use of simile in your opening line, although there is room for much more figurative language elsewhere.
You build up very effectively towards your conclusion, with tension aplenty and clear control of your reader. Well done!
However, some of your sentences seem like fragments - and beware of incorrect use of the semi-colon (it's a tricky piece of punctuation to master).