Pain is...Pain is when your emotions surprise you
Pain is when a loved one betrays you
Pain is when your heart fails you
Pain is...
Pain is when something goes wrong
Pain is when you need somewhere to belong
Pain is when you have to stay strong
Pain is...
Pain is when there's too many bad things
Pain is when you miss your meetings
Pain is when you run out of strings
Pain is...
Pain is an important part of life
Pain is a searching penknife
Pain is when you finally get a wife
Pain is...
Pain is the knuckle on a fist
Pain is the crack in the wrist
Pain is the frightening twist
Pain is...
Pain is what happens when you shout at me
Pain is when you look at me so angrily
Pain is when you unleash all your fury
Pain is...
:D =] :)
ReplyDeleteWell done it was a great poem especially the part about the wife(remember to invite me to ur wedding,lol)
ReplyDeletei really liked your poem, i liked all the descriptive language you used as well as the slight Humour- "Pain is when you finally get a wife"- that had me crackin' up (lol =])
ReplyDeletegood work .
Some of this is extremely powerful. In fact, I can't get the following line out of my head: "Pain is what happens when you shout at me". I think this line is truly exceptional. Really.
ReplyDeleteLike the other students, I also love the cynicism of Line 15 - although I hope time proves your pessimism unwarranted. :)
The only problem I have with this poem - and this is something of which for ALL of you to take note - is the use of the word WHEN before over half of your metaphors. By saying "Pain is WHEN...", you are distancing the image from the thing (i.e. the metaphor for pain from PAIN itself) and this dramatically weakens the metaphor. The thing that makes metaphor such a powerful linguistic tool is that it is so direct and immediate - unlike similes which are only LIKE something else, and so are immediately distanced. "Pain is a loved one betraying you" would have been so much better...
loved the poem read it about 5times lol i love the 'wife' line aswell lol :D nyc one
ReplyDeleteWow, i loved this poem soooo much! :)
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job! keep it up.
Yeah, the wife part made me laugh too! buh i don't think its always true.