Exercise 1: iambic pentameters
I’m glad I could escape your clingy web
the truth was found beneath a shield of lies
I hate the fact that I was so naïve
Exercise 2: trochaic tetrameters
Brainwashed; you were my obsession
tempted by your male charisma
blinded; couldn’t see the damage
Exercise 3: dactylic trimeters
I’ll never make the same misjudgement
cautious and scared to trust anyone
you left my heart clothed in scars and burns
Exercise 4: Anapestic Dimeters
Now I’m free of your spell
I can live my own life
my future’s looking bright
Exercise 5: Quatrain; abab; iambic pentameters
Although I’m free from your abusive grip
I can’t forget the hell you put me through
That’s why sometimes I let a few tears slip
Pills won’t cure this heartache induced by you
Exercise 6: Quatrain; abab; anapestic tetrameter/anapestic trimeter/anapestic tetrameter/anapestic trimeter.
I just wish you could feel what it’s like to be slainby the one that you love and adore
But I know karma will give you all of the pain
You deserve and a few troubles more
By the way I’m not talking about my self. I just started the first line then let the rest of it flow :D :} :]
ReplyDelete*p.s. in the last stanza it's supposed to be 'stand by' not 'stanby' :3
i just noticed something else:
ReplyDeletea new line i supposed to start at the end of 'slain' in the last stanza.
p.s. i think i may be blind because i'm sure i checked the task before posting it :}
Hi Scarlet
ReplyDeleteThis is my first effort as guest moderator so hope it helps. Really liked the storytelling and sense of hidden menace throughout all verses. Some great descriptions - 'left my heart clothed in scars and burns; clingy web.' Some suggestions....you could strengthen the first line, using words more powerfully suggestive than 'I'm glad'. There are some good hints at the behaviour that caused this relationship breakdown and it would be interesting to perhaps explore one of these, i.e. 'damage caused' to find out what happened and maybe condense the themes of verses 3, 4 and 5 which seem similar. I'm just an old storyteller at heart prhps!
Good luck with it!!Have read some of your other exercises and found them vibrant!! Ever read any Carol Anne Duffy??
Best
ann g
thank you so much for your comments ann g. i appreciate what you said about my work and i now recognize the improvements that i need to make.
ReplyDelete:}
Exercise 1: perfect
ReplyDeleteExercise 2: perfect
Exercise 3: this is trickier. Your second line perhaps works the best; "misJUDGEment" is surely spoken with the stress on the second syllable, and leaving "clothed" and "burns" unstressed seems somewhat bathetic, don't you think?
Exercise 4: Lines 1 and 2 = perfect; Line 3, however, doesn't work because future should be FUture and not fuTURE...
Exercise 5: This is OK-ish, although:
* is it someTIMES or SOMEtimes?
* Line 4 starts with 3 trochees before your final two iambs...
Exercise 6: Almost perfect - although somehow "karma" doesn't sound right to me without the first syllable stressed...
Typically impressive stuff - original, technically adept and full of flair - but a few things for you to rework for Task 18 (unless, of course, you decide to start from scratch with a totally new theme...)