Iambic Pentametre
The lack of happiness burdens us all
secure inside the thought that I'm ok
a rising up of joy from deep inside
Trochaic Tetrametre
happiness runs through my body
Dactylic Trimeter
Love dwells on mountains too steep to climb
Happiness: legend of long ago
Anapestic Dimeters
Prosthetic Happiness
Lies in a jug of rum
Quatrain abab, iambic pentametre
A walk to school should be my biggest hate
Except the fact that people make me think
The woman on the bus getting irate
Admiring the publics' quirks and kinks
Quatrain abab volume dos
I am dead in my hole and I feel very low
no one takes any care of my grave
I am far underground, and the rotting is slow
i didn't quite manage to shave
Well done this is a really promising effort.Except the manage is pronounced manAGE when it should be MANage but apart from that it was excellent.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work
Hello Naboo.
ReplyDeleteHow’s it going? I think ‘rising up’ is a great alternative to ‘bubbling.’ It works well. I also think that you should be pleased with your new attempt at the second exercise. You’ll be a dab hand at trochaic tetrameter in no time! Just keep practicing.
Good job tightening up the spelling and so on throughout this task, as well. You’ve clearly been more careful this time around, and it really makes a difference. However, I think there is still some room for improvement on this front in the sixth exercise. I think it needs a comma at the end of the first line, a full stop at the end of the second and another full stop at the end of the final line. And I think you should have listened to englishguru’s feedback about the last line.
I think you’ve done a pretty good job. You’re poetry has lots of potential, and I hope you keep going with it. Do you feel a bit more confident now that you’ve had some extra practice?
Helen
Hey,
ReplyDeleteNice work with counting out the beats in these. The first exercise especially sounds really good with your redraft. And it's a pleasure to read your dactylic trimeter and anapestic dimeter tasks again.
I'm not sure on the rythm at the end of task 5 - the ending with 'getting' doesn't quite fit the rythm still. Maybe try 'The woman on the bus is so irate' or something like that.
I still like the atmosphere of the last poem a lot too. There are bits to work on that I know others have pointed out, but you should be proud of what you have improved so far. Well done.
Take care,
Andy
Apart from your strange spelling of METER...
ReplyDelete1. b) and c) are great, but a) consists of two iambs followed by two anapests. Do you see what I mean?
2. "happiness" is more dactylic, I reckon, don't you think?
3. "dwells" and "climb" seem better stressed, leaving this line IAMB-IAMB-ANAPEST-IAMB
The second attempt is good though... :)
4. These don't quite work, I'm afraid. "Prosthetic" only stresses the second syllable; "happiness" is dactylic; and the second line is TROCHEE-IAMB-IAMB. Do you see what I mean?
5. Lines 1 and 2 are great, but 3 goes a bit screwy: "getTING???". And line 4 is off kilter completely...
6. You just need an "and" at the start of line 4 and this is perfect and wonderful.
You are getting there, but I suspect you are more than capable of having 'arrived' by now. Either you need to be spending more time on the tasks - in which case, please do so - or you need to come and ask me for help... OK?