Excercise 1: Iambic Pentameters
A brand new space of which to make my own
To meet new people and then make new friends
To get to know my new way around town
Excercise 2: Trochaic Tetrameters
Their wallpaper was disgusting
And the mantle piece encouraged
My thoughts of masicuring it
With a sledge hammer, nice thought eh?
Excercise 3: Dactylic Trimeters
Working hard. Furnishing. Making it.
Adding a personnal touch to it.
Excercise 4: Anapestic Dimeters
Time to move. A new start.
Start to pack. Then un-pack.
Excercise 5: Quatrain; Abab; Iambic Pentameters
Our home, camoflaged amoungst others
hidden sanctum of which to retire
buying stuff like cushions, carpets, covers
Browsing magazines for things to inspire
Excercise 6:Quatrain; abab; anapestic tetrameter/anapestic trimeter/anapestic tetrameter/anapestic trimeter.
Usually, you will find it is weird moving in
You think of the persons moving out
Packing and un-packing is a sin
And yet i'm excited that's what it's all about!
Hiya
ReplyDeleteYou've really improved this since last time - well done. There are still a few that need work, which is fine. The only thing that bothers me is that you haven't bothered to change exercise 6 at all. If you don't want to take comments on board, that's up to you, but I don't see the point in re-posting the same thing - it's just a waste of everyone's time.
Exercise 1: very good
Ex 3 and 4 - MILES better than the original, you've really got the hang of both of these now. I'd disagree about 'working hard' - I think you'd naturally say 'work-ing HARD' not 'WORK-ing hard', but I guess it's debatable, and the rest of it is spot on.
But a few things still to work on -
Ex 2:I'm afraid the meter's still giving quite a bit of trouble. You've got the right number of syllables but still the trochaic beat seems to be escaping you, except for in the second line, which is just right. Can you hear the difference when you read them aloud? (Btw, "massacring"!)
Ex 5: I find it strange that this isn't working for you, when you have mastered iambic pentameter so well in exercise 1 - can you hear the contrast when you compare the rhythm of your lines in ex.1 and ex.5? Most of your lines in ex 5. are starting on a STRESSED beat, i.e. they begin with trochees - and lines 3 and 4 are almost completely in TROCHAIC pentameter. I'm sure this will stand out to you when you read them aloud.
Also, 'retire' and 'inspire' can be read as having two syllables or three syllables, but you have to be consistent - if you count them as having two syllables, your last line is missing a syllable. If three, then your second line has one too many.
Ex 6 I've already mentionned.
Overall this is a substantial improvement - good going.
Hey claire,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments and im sorry i didnt change number 6 - i dont even think I realized at the time. I still need to work on poems - especially sticking to the rules of them. Thanks again :D
1. Almost there but...
ReplyDeletea) "of which" doesn't make sense here.
b) "and" sounds strange stressed here
c) "around" is stressed wrongly
2.
a) isn't "wallpaper" dactylic?
b) fine
c) this one doesn't really work
d) right number of syllables, but the dactyls seem to be eluding you...
3. and 4. Excellent! :)
5. Look at claire_a's comments on this one. I, too, can't figure out why it's causing you so many difficulties...