Exercise 1: Iambic Pentameter
1. Within your reach, a place imbued with light.
2. A huge gold star embedded on your door.
3. Such sleepless nights remembering each line.
4. Behind each smile is fear of loneliness.
Exercise 2: Trochaic Tetrameters
1. Zip and pull your tightest outfit.
2. Leave a footprint, mud on carpets.
3. One martini, shaken just right.
Exercise 3: Dactylic Trimeters
1. Face up to facts, it looks better now.
2. Contant reaction of turning 'round.
2. Contant reaction of turning 'round.
Exercise 4: Anapestic Dimeters
1. Here's my hand, hold me close.
2. Playful truth is not new.
3. It is lust that betrays.
1. Here's my hand, hold me close.
2. Playful truth is not new.
3. It is lust that betrays.
Exercise 5: Quatrain; abab; Iambic pentameters
1. As children, dreams seem like our destinies.
Another page out of a fairytale.
We try to see with hope, serenity,
Till truth can find it's way behind the veil.
2. Look back. Just listen. Hear the running feet.
You should know that you're being snapped and chased.
Now quick. Speed up, don't stop and take defeat,
Don't say your life's another big disgrace.
1. As children, dreams seem like our destinies.
Another page out of a fairytale.
We try to see with hope, serenity,
Till truth can find it's way behind the veil.
2. Look back. Just listen. Hear the running feet.
You should know that you're being snapped and chased.
Now quick. Speed up, don't stop and take defeat,
Don't say your life's another big disgrace.
Exercise 6: Quatrain; abab; anapestic tetrameter/anapestic trimeter/anapestic tetrameter/anapestic trimeter
1. I see love can be taken just so many times,
But just how many times can you give?
Each script brings another envied known crime,
But in acting you have to relive.
2. To be free you must learn from mistakes and your pain,
And from this you will soar up one day.
A great time and one colourful stage shall remain,
For the girl with the blooming bouquet.
Hope I've fixed all the glitches I had before. :)
ReplyDeleteWell done!You meters were perfects except for
ReplyDelete"Each script brings another envied known crime,"
but then again maybe others might disagree.
The content of your poems are really effective.
Keep up the good work
Thanks shiningstar. ^^
ReplyDeleteI think you have a good point there.
I probably saw it as DIF-er-ent, rather than DIF-rent.
No one really says DIF-er-ent, unless they are really posh. XD
Dear Eternity
ReplyDeleteYour original draft was particularly good, and it's just getting better and better. I'm impressed. There are only very few things I could pick out with the meter, but aside from these couple of small things it's really snappy and effective - you take interesting ideas and express them in unusual ways. It's great that you have taken all comments on board so well - any problems that were picked out last time have been fixed.
A couple of things -
- the only place where I think there's a significant hitch is line 3 of ex 6, 1st stanza: it's missing 2 syllables and the rhythm's funny. I'm not sure what happened here, because the rest are fantastic so I guess it's just a strange fluke!
- Ex 5, 1st stanza: to my mind, they don't strictly speaking end on iambs - DES-ti-NY and ser-EN-i-TY (as opposed to DES-ti-ny_ and ser-EN-i-ty). However, what is nice is that both lines do the same thing, so it still reads well - we don't have to strain the rhythm of one line awkwardly in order to match it to the other. But as I say I'm not quite convinced it's true iambic pentameter.
Ex.2.3 : I think you might have to italicise 'just' to give it a real trochaic kick!
The last 2 points are small things, though. Overall this works extremely well - you should be very pleased with yourself!
Thankyou Claire.
ReplyDeleteHmm. You're right! I didn't notice my glitch in Exercise 6. ^^ I was so close! I think I was just tired. XD
But, thankyou anyway for pointing out that, and the other points too. I'll take in what you've said for the next time, and I'll make some changes too.
You've been a great help. :)
The better you get (and you are getting REALLY good), the more likely we are to pick on smaller 'flaws' as we fine tune your work to perfection. With that in mind...
ReplyDelete1. "loneliness" is more dactylic than anything else, isn't it?
2. even with the italics, I'm still not 100% comfortable with the last two words trochaically. How about ending with a -ly suffixed adverb like "firmly" or "swiftly" or something like that?
3. Good - although I'm not 100% convinced "round" works unstressed. This needs a little tinkering, I reckon...
4. Excellent!
5. I agree with claire_a about "destiny" and "serenity". Also... "seem like" and "out of" are trochaic, aren't they?
2nd stanza is excellent though - even if Line 2 starts off with two anapests, doesn't it?
6. As claire_a says, it is Line 3 of stanza one which is a little screwy. Do you see why?
I know there's a danger of you taking criticism personally, and you really mustn't because this submission is of a very high standard indeed. Be flattered that we are able to fine tune to such a sophisticated degree! :)