Wednesday, 9 January 2008

Lifeless - 17A

Something is bugging me.

I live with my mum and dad, both of whom work for some posh high-class company. They’re both stuck-up, two faced, greedy and selfish i.e. made for each other. They care little for me or anyone else but themselves. It is yet another Friday, coming home from... I can’t actually recall where I am coming from. But everything else, still the same. Same street, same modern- three floored houses and the same people; everything is so normal, I hadn’t noticed how normal it actually is.

But something is bugging me.

There are workmen at Mr Smith’s house painting. One of them waves at me and I wave back but either he’s cross-eyed or doesn’t like looking people in the eye, though he waves at me! Further down the road I notice that my Nan isn’t there; that is completely unusual because believe it or not my Nan waits to greet me every single day mainly after school or on my way back from the shop. Yet I still can’t remember where I’m coming back from!

Now outside my house an extremely abnormal black cat just appears in front of my door; in my mum’s mind black cats are bad luck but I’m not really into that crap. The cat is standing motionless right outside my door and won’t move... after lots of pleading I lose patience and scream, “Shoo... Shoo you stupid cat” The cat runs straight across the pavement onto my neighbours’ garden and disappears. I see my dad’s car, his pride and joy.

Finally inside my house, I throw my bag on the floor and stuff my shoes in the cabinet. Something smells odd but I can’t be bothered to care. On my way upstairs to get changed I hesitate and I decide to go to the kitchen.

And then I see it.

There are pieces of flesh on the floor, lots of them; I almost throw up at this moment, slowly moving my head up my eyes start to blink uncontrollably as if I’m having a fit. Although it’s a sunny day with all the windows open, the room suddenly looks and feels dark and dull. Nothing feels right. Everything’s on the floor; as if a tornado decided to visit my kitchen. Yet one question is in my head. Who does this flesh belong to?

As I run toward the stairs I notice the front door open by an inch or so. I know for a fact I didn’t leave the door open... I never leave the door open. I kick the door shut, run upstairs and scream for my mum and dad; but no one answers. I look at the cabinet, realise that my dad’s car keys have gone, yet out the window, everything remains as normal. I don’t know what to do. Before I know it I’m panicking, rushing down the stairs hoping and praying that I’m dreaming and it’s just my imagination playing up... but to my worst fear, it isn’t.

I run outside and scream for help, yet no one can hear me. Now completely baffled, I run to the workmen who are painting and beg for help yet nobody replies... nobody! Nothing’s making sense. That same guy waved at me earlier on. As I look behind me I see Ms Dean the prettiest lady in our whole street, well that’s what everyone thinks; it takes me a while to figure everything out, but I soon realise that the workman must have been waving at her... not me.

This is no longer a normal day.

Out of nowhere I think about what I overheard my parents talking about last night; it was along the lines of getting rid of something or someone who was getting in the way of their social life, causing some sort of hole in their wallets. I build up some courage and go to the kitchen. I was right. Now in tears I look at my hands, take a quick glance at the floor and see a ring, which is identical to the one I’m wearing. Then it clicks... everything makes sense. I feel lifeless... and now I know why!

2 comments:

  1. Hello there.

    I really did enjoy this piece of writing. It’s the best thing I’ve read in a quite a while, and I was thoroughly impressed by your imaginative prose and ear for language. Your sentences have a lovely rhythm, and your writing is so powerful and accurate. Very well done! I was blown away.

    I have reposted your piece, with some line-by-line feedback, below. My comments are marked by asterisks. They are either suggestions, praise, or added words. I’ve put the additions in inverted commas. Hopefully you’ll be able to figure out what my comments mean! Just let me know if they’re too confusing.

    In general, though, I thought your work was fabulous, and I think you should feel very proud of it.

    Helen

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  2. Thank you for the all the comments, some of what you pointed out was actually carless mistakes because when i looked at it i said to myself "Oh my god did i write that..." :D Thanks for the suggestions i've learnt a lot from it
    :D

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