The religion I follow is Islam.
Islam teaches Muslims about Allah.
Allah is my master and creator.
Five times a day I have to pray.
Giving money to the poorer,
another duty I obey.
Pilgrimages I have to go on.
Ramadan is a month of fasting.
Slaughtering a cow for kurbani.
This is what Islam is.
This is what I believe.
It teaches me a lot.
People who follow Islam are Muslims,
Hey sadz,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that your task follows the assignment with 6 different exercises, so I’ll just tell you what rhythm and meter I think you’re using and make some general comments, so I hope that helps!
I like the topic you chose, especially because it appears that it’s something important to you – and I’ve usually found that poetry is more potent when the poet is passionate about the subject.
In the first stanza, the first line is in anapestic trimeter, then switches to trochaic pentameter, then the third line doesn’t seem to have a pattern.
Second stanza, the first line is perfect iambic tetrameter, second line switches to trochaic tetrameter, then back to iambic tetrameter.
Third stanza, the first two lines look roughly like trochaic tetrameter. You could write “I have to go on pilgrimages,” which doesn’t sound as awkward as starting the line with ‘pilgrimages.’ The third line in this stanza starts dactylic but ends with two anapests.
In the fourth stanza, I wasn’t sure if you wanted an accent on ‘this’ or ‘is.’ If it’s on ‘is’, then this stanza is written in iambic trimeter.
Your poem has a lot of straight forward writing – kind of bland without emotions or images. If you do another draft of this, think of ways to add images and feelings. You’re describing the fundamentals of Islam, but not exactly what it means to you. Try not to get so caught up in using correct meter and rhythm that you lose meaningful content.
Please let me know if you have any specific questions, and if you write another draft of this I’d be happy to read it!
thankyou 4 ur comment ..... im just sooo confused about the rhythm and datt.... im going to re - do this but i doubt it will be any good ... thanks again for your comments...
ReplyDeleteit's ok to be confused about the rhythm and meter and all of that. i had to do assignments like this during my second year at uni and i thought it was difficult then and i still think it's difficult. i commend you for trying and putting in the effort. i can tell that you're a competent writer, so if you keep working on these poetry skills, you'll keep getting better. :)
ReplyDeletethankyouuu
ReplyDeleteYou need to come and find me one lunchtime, and I will spend half an hour with you explaining this all - otherwise Task 19 is going to be impossible. Monday lunchtime, perhaps?
ReplyDelete