Outside I may seem like a right old nag
But all I really want is the best for them
I know I can be like a silly bag
But all I really want are happy gems
I love my children very much, I do
My handsome Tom and pretty Laura, Oh!
They do not see it but it is so true
My darlings, you just cannot sense or know
That it is there, my great undying love
From being babies silent in a crib
So happy, never could I get enough
Of gazing at you, this is not a fib
If only you could love as much as me
Your mother’s love is here, will always be.
Monday, 28 May 2007
Amanda
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Sorry that it was late but I had problems with it.
ReplyDeleteApart from Line 2, this is spot on - both in rhyme and meter. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHowever (and you will hate me for saying this) can you be SURE you have not fallen into what I call the 'rhyme trap'? In other words, have you had to twist your poem at all in order to fit the rhyme scheme? I am thinking of words like 'bag', 'gems', 'Oh', 'fib' - which somehow don't seem the most...expressive words in the world. Do you know what I mean?
Not criticising what is a tremendous achievement - I would simply like to see a broader and more ambitious vocabulary.
lol i lyk the OH! hehe :P
ReplyDelete