True paradise lies in the home
The beauty of it all is unimaginable,
The beauty of it all is unimaginable,
Whilst it might be different for some,
To me, it's the best place to come,
I lay there in my bed
watching the night sky,
Til the day passes by,
we come to realise
My dreams
Of paradise
To me, it's the best place to come,
I lay there in my bed
watching the night sky,
Til the day passes by,
we come to realise
My dreams
Of paradise
I think this might also be a bit or maybe totally wrong...Help!!!
ReplyDelete:-)
A lovely poem full of touching, heartfelt sentiment - and genuinely moving.
ReplyDeleteHowever, on the IAMB front, you have a way to go.
Line 1 IS iambic, but it is FOUR feet and not FIVE (i.e. a pentameter):
true PARaDISE lies IN the HOME
Line 5 is iambic and a trimeter, as required, so well done!
Lines 8 and 9 also fulfil the demands of the task.
But the other lines EITHER have too many syllables and/or they don't just use IAMBS.
Have another look at my original post from the weekend and see if you can redraft your poem some more?
Ok, thx i'll try sir
ReplyDelete:-)