She didn’t understand my deep inner feelings
Always wants me to be something I ain’t
Screaming at plain me leaving me reeling
Making me work for hours till I felt faint
Just because she had all the fancy boys
It wasn’t my fault I had a disability
I want to be normal and play with toys
O why can’t she just face reality?
I will never be beautiful like her
She has everything she ever wanted
Only if I was perfect I often murmur
O why does it feel like I’m being haunted?
A normal mother appreciates her child
Unlike mine why can’t she see what’s on my mind.
i ment 2 write laura loooollll howd i change it
ReplyDeleteI'm confused. You DID write LAURA.
ReplyDeleteAs for the poem, well done for being the first to post! However, I shall reserve my comments until you have heard from some students... :)
no sirrrr i edited it..... first i wrote elizabeth lol :S
ReplyDeleteSadz,
ReplyDeleteI think that your piece is absolutely brilliant! It concentrates on Laura's feelings very deeply, and I think that it definately shows through every word. ;D
Your poem is fab and so powerful.I love the way you campared Laura and Amanda.Gr8 job!!
ReplyDeleteWicked peace sadz .... what they said ^^^ lol
ReplyDeleteI agree with what everyone else has said, but think of me as the 'Iamb Police', as that is what I am looking for...
ReplyDeleteOnly line 8 is completely iambic and with the right number of syllables; the remaining lines EITHER have too many syllables (i.e. more than 10) AND/OR they do not fit the iambic (dee-DUM) rhythm. One way to check is simply to look at the first word; if you get off to the right start, the chances are the rest of the line will follow suit. For example, lines 2, 3 and 4 all start with a trochaic word. Do you see what I mean?