In the deep blue sea,mysteries wonder,
a tidal wave or the sound of thunder.
the vast ocean, where creatures lurk,
Deadly sharks with an evil smirk.
The curious coral,
They live with a moral.
Huge dolphins leap,
Creepy crabs creep.
The sea,
loves me!
Well, you've got the requisite number of syllables in each line - which is an achievement in itself. And you capture the atmosphere of your chosen place really well too.
ReplyDeleteBut as for the iambs? Not really...
Look at your first line, for example:
in THE deep BLUE sea MYsteRIES wonDER
Read iambically, you are stressing the word THE and also the SECOND syllable of WONDER - neither of which fits. The same is true of lots of other lines - e.g. lines 5 and 6 end with words which are fundamentally NOT iambic.
Don't be deterred though. Just look carefully through my own posts - and especially my introductory one for Task 3 (as well as other people's poems and comments) and see if it becomes any easier... :)
yeah sir it was really hard, but i still gave it a go, i hope my next onez are better though...
ReplyDeletehi fatty,
ReplyDeleteyh dat woz gd u no... dnt relee thhink myn woz betta lol :P