People are always first ones to judge
Fun, confident that’s what some believe
But as usual too quick to misjudge
Perhaps they should not be so naïve
PEOple ARE alWAYS first ONES to JUDGE
FUN conFIDent THAT'S what SOME beLIEVE
BUT as USual TOO quick TO misJUDGE
PERhaps THEY should NOT be SO naIVE
I don't mean to scare anyone but i didnt do the capital bit at the end so god knows how it got there im kinda scared
ReplyDeleteThat was me. Sorry. Thought you had forgotten so was trying to help... :)
ReplyDeleteLine 1:
ReplyDelete"first ONES" sounds a bit awkward; what about "the FIRST" instead? Do you see how it comes more easily? Other than that, a great line! :)
Line 2:
The only problem here is the word CONFIDENT. You and I would say it CONfidENT - but you have put it in the line at a point where it will be conFIDent, which sounds awkward. So you would either need to relocate it or use a different word. How about: "fun and confident, so some believe"?
Line 3:
Excellent.
Line 4:
If you swap "perhaps" for "maybe", this would be perfect. Do you see how "perhaps" is iambic, whereas "maybe" is trochaic?
So you are ALMOST there, and making VAST improvements. Well done! :)