People don't know what troubles are inside,
a secret so deep lies inside within
my past revealed, no more is left to hide
my sister's leg, and all the arguing.
the crazy lady, lost in her gone past,
a grown woman, loves small glass ornaments
to smoke probably makes the pain go fast
control is the prize in work 'tournament'
i need the money, help with my mistake
what doesn't make my life so nice and bright?
family? what family is to take?
i'm going to watch a movie tonight.
but i am strong, and that is what i aim.
each time i look at the blank picture frame.
yo sir how was it, i gave it my best shot, and i think im getting there
ReplyDeleteheyyy...
ReplyDeleteyhyh datz ight u no... lykin dat
:)
Well done it was FAB!
ReplyDelete10 syllables in every line, which is half the battle - so well done! But which lines are iambic throughout?
ReplyDeleteLines 2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 10 and 13 are all perfectly iambic. See if you can see why the other lines are not?
The only other thing I would say is that a couple of the lines don't quite make sense (i.e. Lines 8-11). Do you see what I mean?
Oh, and I LOVE Line 14! :)