Work everyday, "movies" during the night.
Laura waits up, I'm home in a bad state.
Next morning, mum picking another fight,
Laura's different, what happens is fate.
The Man of the House is what I may be;
I try my best to take care of a lot.
I pay bills, yet I'm treated a baby.
Despite mums attempts, Laura's lost the plot;
Nobody knows the troubles that lay inside,
While she plays with her Glass Menagerie,
I search for more ways to hide
Still a kid (her hands are still slippery).
Now I've moved on, left both of them be
Laura, forgive me...I'm truly sorry...
Kind of rushed it...might be totally wrong :-)
ReplyDeleteNo it was so correct.
ReplyDeletereally???
ReplyDeleteLines 9, 11 and 13 don't have the requisite 10 syllables.
ReplyDeleteOf the remainder, two are iambic throughout (Lines 6 and 10).
The rest fall out of the iambic rhythm at some point, and often with the very first word. If you START with an iambic word, it is often easier to continue - but words like 'Laura' or 'Nobody' are, effectively, trochaic.
Great poem, therefore, but the iambs are still eluding you. It is not enough just to have the 10 syllables...
I shall try and explain it some more in the next podcast. :)
i luved the last line:D
ReplyDelete