Whilst I’m Flocking through the fields all day And look at my outstretched paws, I think about every time I catch my prey; And hope for a key to mend my wild claws.
As for the rhythm, let me write it out again with the stressed syllables in capitals. Remember that an iambic pentameter should go: dee-DUM dee-DUM dee-DUM dee-DUM dee-DUM
whilst I'M flockING through THE fields ALL day and LOOK at MY outSTRETCHED paws i THINK aBOUT eveRY time I catch MY prey and HOPE for A key TO mend MY wild CLAWS
Lines 1-3 don't have enough syllables, and all the lines have some stressed in the wrong place.
I know this is probably totally wrong, so I wouldn't mind a little critisicm to help me LOL :-)
ReplyDeleteTHX
Firstly, the rhyme scheme is spot on.
ReplyDeleteAs for the rhythm, let me write it out again with the stressed syllables in capitals. Remember that an iambic pentameter should go: dee-DUM dee-DUM dee-DUM dee-DUM dee-DUM
whilst I'M flockING through THE fields ALL day
and LOOK at MY outSTRETCHED paws
i THINK aBOUT eveRY time I catch MY prey
and HOPE for A key TO mend MY wild CLAWS
Lines 1-3 don't have enough syllables, and all the lines have some stressed in the wrong place.
Keep trying! :)
thx sir
ReplyDelete:-)
aa urs is really good ye but what animal in particular are you talking about???????
ReplyDeleteLOOOL something with claws...joking it's a Tiger or could be a lion actually cause there evil. :-)
ReplyDelete