And I would like to use as our model here a column in the Saturday edition of the national Guardian newspaper, entitled 'One Million Tiny Plays about Britain'. They are written by Craig Taylor, and each one demonstrates the following wonderful features:
- It is concise, brief and simple, and yet still powerful, profound and multi-layered.
- It does not appear to be lacking anything, despite its brevity, and exists and works on its own.
- It reveals fascinating facets of both characters, often allowing us to read loads between the lines.
- It is built around conflict, the essence of effective drama, and explores that conflict in an original way.
- It presents us with a convincing, authentic and engaging human relationship.
- Whether comic, disturbing or tragic, it creates exactly what it claims to be: A TINY PLAY.
Exemplar 1:
Two women are working in the cloakroom of a theatre in Nottingham
Joyce They don't even taste like mints.
Jean Wait till you get to the middle.
Joyce Is it soft at the middle then?
Jean Delicious, really.
Joyce And minty?
Jean More minty than last night's.
Joyce Which coat did they come from?
Jean That red one.
Joyce Ooh, lovely pattern on it.
Jean You should try it on.
Joyce I might after the interval.
Jean It's good someone's still wearing coats like that. [Pause] Shall we have another mint?
Joyce It passes the time, doesn't it?
Jean You know, I swear I won't go into some of these newer coats.
Joyce You don't know what you'll find.
Jean The pockets are full of rubbish.
Joyce And Skittles.
Jean I would never eat a Skittle.
Joyce You can tell a lot from someone's pockets.
Jean I once took Diana Riggs' coat - in her pocket was a packet of Polos.
Joyce That's an elegant mint.
Jean I ate three.
Joyce For an elegant woman.
Jean I don't think she even noticed.
Joyce That's the most famous coat we've had here.
Jean Except for the Lloyd Webber.
Joyce There was never a Lloyd Webber.
Jean You were off that night.
Joyce And you never mentioned it?
Jean You never asked.
Joyce That would've passed the time.
Jean I was almost scared to go in his pockets. It sat there all first half. I finally put my hand in. The pockets were deep and lined with strange fur. I could sense something at the bottom.
Joyce Out with it.
Jean It was a half-eaten HobNob.
Joyce Surely he'd finish it at least.
Jean I think he's gone downhill. I couldn't even watch Cats after that.
Joyce I won't believe it.
Jean And him being a life peer and everything. He could have finished it. [Pause] Fancy another mint?
Exemplar 2:
A mother sits by her son's bedside in a Manchester hospitalLydia This card from your auntie says, 'Turn that frown upside down.' Would you like to look at it?
Alex No.
Lydia I'll set it on your bedside table.
Alex No.
Lydia There's a little sun on the inside saying, 'Think sunny thoughts.'
Alex Take it off the table, Mother.
Lydia It's nice. I'll put it on the bed by your hand. How is your hand?
Alex It's my wrist. It's not my hand.
Lydia Of course. [Pause] Some flowers in here would make it less dark. We want to remind you it's not winter for ever. Everyone's been very supportive.
Alex Then you've told everyone...
Lydia Just that you were a bit low.
Alex And did you tell him?
Lydia I thought it best to keep it in the family.
Alex He's my partner.
Lydia Stephen is not family.
Alex He's my family.
Lydia He's not with you any more.
Alex I don't care - the note was to him.
Lydia But you didn't mean what you wrote. [Pause] Now this card is from your sister. It says, 'Chin Up.' See, the man on it has a big chin.
Alex Did you even phone Stephen? Does he know where I am?
Lydia Would you like me to put your sister's card on the bedside table?
Alex No.
Lydia I guess we all get winter blues.
Alex Take it off the table, Mother.
Lydia According to Father Paul, what you're feeling is called SAD.
Alex Then you told Father Paul, did you? Just the family then?
Lydia He says light therapy works.
Alex I don't want light therapy.
Lydia We'll get you a good lightbulb.
Alex I'd like Stephen here.
Lydia Such a dark time of year. Sometimes I wonder why we live here.
Alex I know. [Pause]
Lydia Right. And this nice card here is from your gran.
Exemplar 3:
A woman presses a glass to a wall in a hotel room in Ipswich. Her husband sits nearby.
Em Actually they're not finished at all. They've started again, they have.
Harry Shall I turn the telly down?
Em Mute it, Harold. Mute the thing.
Harry Does it sound like she's on top?
Em Does being on top sound different?
Harry Less muffled, maybe. All sorts of people do it like that these days.
Em They're really going now. I haven't heard that word in a while.
Harry What word?
Em I'm not repeating it here.
Harry They say some words sound better in hotel rooms.
Em Not in decent conversation. I think she must be eastern European, the lady on top.
Harry Then she is on top, is she? Apparently, that's quite enjoyable.
Em She sounds like Fran's cleaner.
Harry Maybe she's a Polish lady.
Em Well, she did just say a few things I didn't understand.
Harry Plenty of them around these days. Did I watch that documentary on them with you?
Em Who else do you watch telly with?
Harry This programme on eastern Europeans picking all our asparagus.
Em I didn't see that. That was the night I was sick with the tummy bug.
Harry Right, and nothing was coming up, was it?
Em Mostly just bile. [Pause] Do you think they're on the same romantic getaway as us?
Harry Well, it was an excellent deal.
Em Do you think they paid as much as we did?
Harry They couldn't have got a better price. I had that voucher.
Em But we had to spend some on this lingerie, which is actually quite itchy.
Harry And it wasn't cheap, was it?
Em I can feel a bit of a rash coming.
Harry Should we crack on with the romance regardless? Maybe you on top?
Em I'm going to finish listening. My, these eastern Europeans work hard.
Exemplar 4:
Two builders in a van near Chepstow look at a Page 3 girl
Harry That one? She's fit, she is.
Tim But do you see anything more?
Harry Nice set on her. Natural and all, if you like natural. Which I do.
Tim I'm not looking at those.
Harry I am.
Tim But look at her face.
Harry Since when am I supposed to look at the face?
Tim That isn't funny, yeah?
Harry All right, I'll look at her face. There. Decent face.
Tim It's all jokes to you, isn't it? All day it's having a laugh. Putting salt in my tea.
Harry I'm sorry, yeah?
Tim Calling me a bender if I drop something.
Harry I'm looking at her face now. OK? She's got a nose, a couple of eyes. I wouldn't kick her out of bed.
Tim Look closer.
Harry I'm not getting too close. Not to some girl from Bexley.
Tim Will you look into her eyes?
Harry What's the matter with you?
Tim Just don't make a joke and look into her eyes.
Harry We've got 15 minutes left to eat. They're blue, those eyes. OK?
Tim What do you think they say about her?
Harry Do I care? There'll be another girl tomorrow. With eyes as well.
Tim I think she looks vulnerable. There's something in her eyes.
Harry They treat them fine. They probably let her cover up right after the photo.
Tim I want to clothe her.
Harry Bit late now, mate.
Tim And give her dignity.
Harry Give her what? (Pause)
Tim Put this paper over her.
Harry Don't you tear up the football pages. I've not read those yet.
Tim I'm going to cover her.
Harry Then put your own Snickers over her, then. You happy now?
Tim I think she is.
Exemplar 5:
A mother and her young son walk near a school in Nuneaton
Mum And then?[Pause] And then what do you do, Stevie?
Stevie Call you on the mobile.
Mum If anyone talks to you - if a stranger tries to stop you on the way home - you don't text, you call.
Stevie Can I go outside once I'm home?
Mum Who with? And what for?
Stevie For football... I don't know.
Mum You've got football on the PlayStation, haven't you?
Stevie What if I want to go to the shop?
Mum Do you remember the little girl who went to the shop?
Stevie Which one?
Mum The one who didn't come back?
Stevie I don't remember her.
Mum You call me if you want something from the shop. I'm doing this for you and you're on a good plan and you like the phone, don't you?
Stevie Mum? What is a stranger?
Mum Stevie, you know that. Anyone who shouldn't be speaking to you. No one should be speaking to you on that walk home.
Stevie Then is Dad one?
Mum No. He's your father. [Pause] But there are only certain days he should be talking to you after school.
Stevie His days. Dad days.
Mum And there are other days when your mum, who loves you, is able to pick you up.
Stevie Dad sometimes comes on the other days.
Mum Really. Does he?
Stevie Before you. Only to say hi.
Mum I didn't know that. You have to use your phone to tell me.
Stevie It's Dad.
Mum Yes, but your father has rules, too.
Stevie Is he a stranger when he comes and it isn't his day?
Mum No, not exactly. He's your father. He says he loves you and you have every right to believe him. You don't have to call me if he comes. [Pause] Just text.
Exemplar 6:
An elderly woman stops a man at the gate to her house in Sheffield. He's holding an armful of flyers
Agnes Excuse me? Did you put this circular through the letter box?
Atif I'm sorry, yes.
Agnes I'm glad I caught you. Tell me, does your restaurant deliver? [Pause]
Atif Yes.
Agnes Does it deliver?
Atif Yes.
Agnes Does it make home deliveries?
Atif Yes.
Agnes To here? Do you understand what I'm saying? To here?
Atif Oh, no.
Agnes So I'd have to go to the restaurant? And do you recommend the food?
Atif Yes.
Agnes Where are you from? You're not from this country.
Atif Yes.
Agnes What is your country?
Atif Pakistan.
Agnes My daughter toured that part of the world years ago. Before all the... There have been troubles lately, haven't there? She lives in Spain now.
Atif Yes. [Pause]
Agnes And your family? Are they back there? It's easy to keep in touch. You'd think. Even if you're only as far away as Spain. You'd think people could just pick up the phone.
Atif Yes, but...
Agnes I'm sorry?
Atif But if you want delivery, you call the number here.
Agnes If I want?
Atif Delivery. [Pause]
Agnes So you do deliver?
Atif Oh yes, yes. [He laughs]
Agnes Oh, will you be coming back here?
Atif Yes. And takeaway.
Agnes No, but do you... You will be coming back to my street sometime? Because feel free to knock. I'm usually here. Alone. It's been so nice to talk to you. [Pause]
Atif Yes. Delivery.
Unsurprisingly, your task this week is to produce your own Tiny Play about Britain. Two characters. Brief, deceptively simple script. Genuine, engaging relationship. Original, captivating content. A mini play, all on its own...
Deadline = Midnight on Saturday 22nd March
I will try to post my own attempt in the next couple of days.
Good luck!
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