Jason: (Says to a girl walking down the road)'Ello Sexy
Reece: You really should learn how to speak to girls.
Jason: What do you mean? I speak to girls all the time, I did just then.
Reece: No, you know what I mean. Have some respect for them.
Jason: Err. Why would I do that?
Reece: Because, it's MANNERS.
Jason: (Confused) Since when did you care about manners?
Reece: Since now. I mean, you wouldn't like your mother being spoken to like that would you?
Jason: Hmm. Nah but that's my mum. My mum ain't like these girls I talk to.
Reece: What's the difference?
Jason: My mum is OLD.
Reece: You've got some issues.
Jason: Fine then. (Says to another girl) Hello Beautiful.
(Girl Smiles)
Reece: See (He smiles proudly)
Jason: (Kisses his teeth) Whatever man. What's that, 'A Sissy's Guide Book to Getting A Girl To Smile At You'?
Reece: Yeah. (He giggles)
loool dats short and snappy and really well executed (if thats the word) i like the contrast between the 2 characters and its portrayed extremely well. well done darlin' :D x
ReplyDeleteHi Care.Bear,
ReplyDeleteI think that the dialogue here is great. On the whole, you’ve really captured the voices of the two different characters. Jason’s voice is cockier, more colloquial, and a little more forceful than Reece’s. I like the fact that, when he’s attempting to be charming, Jason says ‘Hello’ rather than ‘Ello’. By reinstating that dropped ‘H,’ you communicate to the reader a change of tone and attitude. Perhaps Jason is imitating Reece’s voice here? You give the actor lots to work with.
Reece seems quietly sure of himself as a character. He doesn’t seem as assertive as his companion at first glance, but I think that he knows his own mind. Jason is all ‘Errr’ and ‘Hmmm,’ whereas Reece always seems to know what he wants to communicate. I think that the dynamic between the characters is very interesting, and could be portrayed really well on stage.
I’m not sure about the ending though. Kisses his teeth?! And Reece doesn’t strike me as the giggling kind. I’d be interested to find out what other people make of it, though.
Helen
I think where this falls down is length. It's a snappy and convincing little dialogue, but I think it is hurried to a premature finish, which results in the disappointing ending to which Helen refers.
ReplyDeleteIt's great stuff - I just wish there had been more of it, to give your characters a chance to develop a little more, and to give you a chance to reach a more satisfying conclusion.